Akatsuki Calendar Shoot
by AkiraDawn
Summary: The Akatsuki's are going to be photographed for a 12 month calendar out of sympathy because Itachi and Deidara made the cover of a magazine. This should be interesting. Rated for language and some suggestive references. R&R! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 The Letter

Akatsuki Calendar Shoot

Here it is…the chaos that occurs when Akatsuki gets in front of a camera. Thank you everyone who is reading my Akatsuki stories…they are so much fun to write. I know that technically now that Tobi has joined the fun, Sasori shouldn't be around anymore, but I just couldn't get rid of Sasori, after all he has the Pink RAZR , I hope you all don't mind! Enjoy! Much love AkiraDawn

I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters.

Some Background…

For the past two years, Itachi and Deidara have continuously sent headshots of themselves into 'Hottest Faces of Evil' Magazine in hopes of making the cover. They didn't care if they made it together or separately, they just wanted to get on the cover. Well, this was their year…

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Deidara get your ass out here! This is the greatest day of our incredibly sexy young lives!" Deidara came storming out of the bedroom, plowing Sasori over in the hall.

"Itachi! Are they here are the mail order con…I should stop talking, yeah. Sorry I forgot, yeah." Deidara quickly shut up.

"No dumbass! Don't EVER mention THOSE with THEM around!" Itachi hissed. Itachi shook the anger off. "Deidara, listen….to….this! Dear Uchiha-San, we at Hottest Faces of Evil have, upon careful consideration…blah, blah, blah…" Deidara started screaming. "WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH!" Itachi yelled. Deidara put his hands over his mouth. "We have chosen you and your blonde friend to BE ON THE COVER OF THE AUGUST/SEPTEMBER ISSUE!" Itachi stopped and looked at Deidara with wide eyes. Deidara just stared back. "Now you can scream!" Itachi said….now there were two screaming Akatsuki beauties in the small apartment living room. "Okay, okay, there's more…the magazine wants to feature the rest of our club…shit…organization…in a 12 month calendar because of our accomplishments this year and the fact that you and I are so sexy!" Itachi was beside himself. Deidara started screaming again and threw his arms around Sasori who had just gotten up from being plowed in the hall. Sasori was choking.

"Wait, wait, wait…you mean the rest of us have to go to this calendar thing and suffer because you and Deidara are…well…beautiful?" Kisame asked quite disgruntled.

"Kisame, it will be a good experience for you and everyone else. Besides, Hidan and Sasori are somewhat attractive, you can so hang out with them while me and Deidara get our cover shots taken." Itachi reassured.

"I don't know about this…I mean Kisame and I look like…well…kinda freaky." Zetsu said feeling suddenly self conscious.

"Yeah, my face is swirly, and I don't know if Hollywood is ready for a swirly face. I mean, come on…it's a swirl! I'm not pretty! I'm not desireable! I have nothing compared to you guys!" Tobi was whining.

"All of you quit bitching and start getting ready. We leave tomorrow for out photo session and Deidara and I have to spend the rest of the day getting perfect." Itachi said. He had united with Deidara for once instead of trying to outdo him. And so everyone had begun to pack for the impending photo session. Hidan and Kakuzu were fighting over suitcase space when there was a knock at the door. Deidara was on the phone with Dana in the living room so he was closet to the door.

"Dana, I have to call you back, yeah." He told her and hung up. When he opened the door…he couldn't believe who was standing there. "Oh my god, it's you, yeah." Deidra rolled big blue eyes all over the place.

"Um…is Itachi here? I need to talk to him…although if he isn't here you might do." It was Sasuke…

"Itachi! You're little brother who's small for his age is standing here at the door, yeah. Although, he's actually starting to fill out, what should I do, yeah?" Deidara asked. At that moment an irate Itachi plowed through the hallway and into the living room, sharingan burning like fire.

"What the FUCK are you doing here?" Itachi demanded of him. Itachi was shaking and Deidara had gotten hold of his shoulders to try and calm him down (besides, no one gave a better calming massage than Deidara and everyone in Akatsuki knew that).

"Look…I need to talk to you…or him…or…something." Sasuke was fidgeting. Itachi relaxed but both he and Deidara eyed Sasuke suspiciously.

"Why?" They asked in unison only Deidara added 'yeah'.

"Because…I need some advice…on…girls." Deidara and Itachi looked at one another and then hesitantly let Sasuke into their beloved apartment. Sasori had just come out into the living room to ask how to pack the hats when he noticed Sasuke.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Sasori wanted to know watching Sasuke.

"Oh, we're going to find out." Itachi said arms crossed over his chest.

"Okay, well Itachi, I'll go pack our cleanser, yeah and…" Deidara started to walk away but Itachi yanked him back by the hair.

"You're not going anywhere." Itachi told him. "Okay what do you want to know?" Itachi demanded of Sasuke. Sasuke fidgeted some more.

"Well, it's just that…Orochimaru can't tell me…he's old and hasn't tried it in a while…Kabuto's…well…Orochimaru's bitch and so I can't talk to him and I knew that you…well, have…" Sasuke stopped. Itachi sighed in disgust.

"Will you fucking get to the point so you'll get out of our apartment?" Itachi said anxious to pack for the photo shoot.

"Okay, okay. I need to know how to put a condom on and I need to borrow one." Sasuke said it as quickly as he could. Deidara ad Itachi looked at each other for what felt like a long time…and then came the hysterical laughter.

"Oh god, Oh god, I can't…breathe…yeah." Deidara was choking on his own laughter and then they both quickly shut up. Itachi leaned in close to Sasuke…

"Foolish…little…brother…get your own condoms." Sasuke swallowed hard.

"Could…I as least get a tutorial?" he asked terrified.

"Deidara will give you an incredibly brief tutorial...tomorrow he and I are getting photographed a lot. And you aren't going to do ANYTHING that screws with our packing plans…get it over with and get out." Itachi told. Deidara scowled at Sasuke.

"How old are you, yeah? Can you even get it…"

"Deidara! Shut up, get on with it!" Itachi shouted as he left to resume packing. Deidara rolled his eyes again he wanted to get this over with so he could start sorting through skin care products…


	2. Chapter 2 Meet Pierre and Marco

"Deidara, really you should take the scope off your eye for this. I mean I know the scope is your thing and all, but you don't need it." Itachi told him.

"You're right. Besides, I have to die for eyes, yeah!" Deidara said as he and Itachi began sorting through clothes.

"You know, I really don't know why we're all going on this trip. I know that me and Deidara will soon be traveling around together and I really want to get to know him. I just think that if he and Itachi are getting photographed how the hell am I going to get to know him? You know? I mean I'm kinda bummed and I'm just not pretty!" Tobi was still whining.

"Tobi, let me tell you something…you already know _almost_ everything you need to know about Deidara. Sasori told him.

"Almost everything?" Tobi asked.

"Trust me…you'll get the final piece of the puzzle when we have one of our Friday night parties." Sasori insisted neatly preparing the robes to be packed to take to the photo shoot.

"Wait, Deidara. I have no clue why we're trying on all of our hot clothes…they are going to dress us at the calendar shoot." Itachi remembered as he and Deidara looked at all their clothes strung out all over their bedroom. So instead of stressing over fashion, they made certain all the Akatsuki 'accessories' were packed, Net shirts, hats, extra nail enamel, etc.

1 hour 34 minutes, 6 lunch meat sandwiches and 2 granola bars later

"Shit! I can't believe we are here! Oh my god, Deidara! This is truly the greatest thing that has ever happened to us!" Itachi had never been this rage-free (probably because the day was focused around him and his sexiness). Itachi and Deidara weren't helping carry anything, instead Hidan, Zetsu, Kisame and Tobi lugged on the Akatsuki gear. Once inside the photo studio, there were cameras EVERYWHERE. There was a woman sitting behind a desk, it was her with which they were to check in.

"Hi, we're here for the 'Hottest Faces of Evil' September cover shoot, yeah." Deidara told her.

"Oh my god…you two must be those guys in that evil club that Pierre is waiting on…oh my god…he will love all this eye candy. Well, I mean you two your friends are just average." She said looking at Kisame, Sasori, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Tobi. The woman ran off yelling for Pierre the very flamboyant photographer. He arrived…dressed like a flamboyant photographer would dress…

"Oh my god! You must be Akatsuki! Oh…my…god…my cover boys! Oh shit! You are even more gorgeous than your headshots. Good lord! I can't believe this!" He grabbed Itachi and Deidara and squeezed the hell out of them. "Definitely cover material, oh god…more than cover material! Now, your little friends, they're just average to below average. But it's okay; they'll be in the calendar but you boys….OH! Follow me!" Sasori rolled his eyes as he trailed Itachi and Deidara followed by everyone else and the Akatsuki garb. Pierre the photographer called out for his assistant Marco. Pierre had a shrill, 'listen to me bitch' type voice. "MARCO! Come look what I brought!" Marco appeared from behind a huge rack of clothes. His jaw fell open. He immediately gave Itachi and Deidara applause.

"You know, maybe we should all go shoot ourselves now." Kisame whispered to Zetsu, his self esteem had officially been drained.

"No Kisame! Do you know how proud 'the leader' is going to be once this is over?" Zetsu insisted.

"You're right. I'll get through this." Kisame said.

"Oh…you….what's your name, gorgeous." Marco asked Itachi.

"Uchiha Itachi." He has never said that with more confidence.

"For the rest of today, you are the dark angel. God…you're like…the bad ass that mommy's little girl brings home and fucks on the living room couch. OH!" Marco said emphatically. Itachi blinked several times.

"That has so happened to me." He sad looking at Deidara. Deidara shook his head in agreement.

"And you! Oh! For the rest of today you are baby blue. I swear, you're like the boy next door…if the boy next door had _that_ smile and _that_ body. Oh! Oh my god! Check out the hands in these hands, that's freaky…I bet that drives the girls crazy."

"It's like this guy reads minds or something, yeah." Deidara said to Itachi.

"Now, about the guys you brought with you…"

"Oh! Oh please, Marco, yeah. That's my danna! And that's Kisame and Zetsu, and Hidan, Kisame and Kakuzu, yeah! Oh and that's the new guy Tobi, yeah! Don't send them away let them be in the calander like the letter said, yeah." Deidara begged. Marco started to tear up.

"Oh god, you're going to make me cry! Who can resist a pout like that…Pierre I need a tissue!"

Weel, the next step was to change and prepare for the calendar shoot…Deidara and Itchi's magazine headshots would happen after the calendar was done…


	3. Chapter 3 The Calendar

"Let's see, you're freakishly tall and pale blue, you'll be in the back." Marco, Pierre's assistant was assessing everyone for the group picture for the calendar. "Oh! You can definitely be August! August is the month for fun in the sun…and sharks!" Marco insisted. Kisame rolled his eyes, feeling inferior had pretty much become a standard. "You…well…you look like a plant, you're in the back too. You can be April because that's when plants and crap bloom." Marco told Zetsu. Pierre was agreeing thus far. "You have the potential to be attractive, you're in the middle. And you can be September because of that red hair, it matches the falling leaves!" Marco told Sasori. "Let's see, you're a peculiar fellow…you're definitely in the back and you're October, that face screams 'trick or treat'." Marco told Tobi. Tobi was delighted; he thought it was a compliment. " Hmmm…you must be the overly religious one. You have nice broad shoulders, you're in the middle and you're hair isn't a bad color either. You're March…but I don't have a reason for making you March." Marco told Hidan. Pierre always gave Marco jobs like this because Pierre could make all the notes about backdrops while Marco delegated months. "You're…well you're just very very average, there's nothing that jumps out about you, you're so in the back. You can be November because you kind of remind me of a pilgrim." Marco had just completely degraded Kakuzu. "Now, dark angel, baby blue, you two are in the front. God…I wish I could take you both to Cancun and make you work the camera all day!" Marco was tearing up again. "Okay, okay, anyway, dark angel you are going to be June because you have a birthday in June. Baby blue…you're going to be July."

"Now, the group shot is going to be December, I want the shark guy and dark angel for January, I want dark angel and baby blue for February, and Sasori and baby blue for May. It's done! Let's shoot! Group shot is first!" Marco clapped his hands and Pierre got the lens ready. Marco's job was done. The eight of them quickly got changed. However, once they all returned to Pierre for him to position everyone there was a hat dilemma…

"You know, I'm sexy in the hat but I'm even sexier without the hat, so let's lose the hats." Itachi insisted.

"Yeah, the hat covers my pony tail, yeah." Deidara said.

"You're wearing the hats, both of you!" Sasori insisted.

"Seriously, we have to wear the hats for the group shot. Besides, you know that Pierre will halfway undress you two later." Hidan said. Pierre had just made the decision that he wanted everyone in hats…so it was settled. He now started positioning everyone the way he wanted. Kisame, Zetsu, and Tobi in the back. Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu in the middle behind a couch. And Itachi and Deidara on the couch in the front. It was picture perfect.

"I wish 'the leader' could have been here for this, yeah." Deidara said.

"Deidara, he's a fucking blob of static, he probably wouldn't even show up in the picture." Itachi told him.

"Well, he's out blob of static, yeah!" Deidara insisted.

"Okay, I want you all to look right at me…look as natural as possible. Now on the count of three say Orochimaru you fucking loser don't you wish you could be in the calendar, too bad you left Akatsuki, hahaha your belt is ugly, yeah.

"Deidara…did you tell him to say that?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah! I did!" Deidara was delighted, it made Sasori smile. Pierre snapped the first shot.

"Okay! One more, just to be certain!" He snapped three more simultaneously. He immediately looked at the preview. "Oh! It's gorgeous! Itachi! Deidara! You make it beautiful!" It was now time for the month by month breakdown…

"So, what do you wear under those robes?" Pierre wanted to know. Itachi immediately showed him. "That's beautiful! Oh I love the net! I love the way the shirt fits over the net! Okay, I'm shooting February first, dark angel, baby blue that's you." Pierre immediately wanted to change the backdrop to a slate charcoal. He instructed Itachi and Deidara to lose the robes. "Now, dark angel, I want you standing like this and turn this hand like this so we can see that ring." Pierre turned Itachi as a slight angle and place his right hand on his left shoulder so that the ring could be seen (Pierre was all into rings). "Now, baby blue lean your back against him, tilt your head this way so that this entire blonde is over his shoulder…and oh perfect!" Pierre adjusted them both exactly how he wanted them and 37 seconds later he had the perfect February photo.

Kisame and Itachi were next. "You know I really don't understand why he wants to photograph you and me. I mean we both know that no one gives a shit about me." Kisame was already ready to leave. Itachi convinced him that this calendar shoot was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him. "Well do I have to do anything Vogue, like strike a pose or something stupid?" Kisame asked disgruntled.

"No Kisame! Just back me up." Kisame obliged and the picture actually turned out rather well. Tobi was the next one. Pierre kind of wanted to get him out of the way. Tobi was thrilled to hold the trick or treat bag for October. Needless to say, Pierre kept Tobi bundled up in the robe but told him to take off the hat…Tobi never looked happier…well, at least it was assumed he was happy, he had a swirly face so it was kind of hard to tell…


	4. Chapter 4 Playing Dress Up

"Oh my god! You two are going to photograph so well!" Pierre told Sasoir and Deidara. "So, you're a puppet or something?" Sasori sighed, he hated going through this.

"Yes, I'm a puppet, can we get this over with?"

"Okay, well puppet boy you set on the chair, baby blue there is going to loosely put his arms around your neck." Pierre instructed.

"Wait…wait…why does he have to touch me?' Sasori wasn't the most touchy-feely person, Definitely not like Deidara.

"Because, you two are friends, you're artists, and you hang out!" Sasori scowled but went along with it just to get it out of the way. So, the still uncloaked, de-hatted Deidara happily threw his arms around Sasori. It was actually a really good picture of both of them. Sasori was very photogenic and Deidara was just a natural beauty so combined they were pretty sexy. Zetsu's photo shoot didn't go as smoothly.

"Zetsu, just open up your fly trap head and get this picture done so we can go on with our lives!" Kisame said as he and Hidan tried to pry Zetsu's 'trap' open.

"No! How would you like to be known as that Akatsuki guy with the plant head and the two color face? I'm not doing it! Face it, we're all wretched except for Itachi and Deidara!"

"Zetsu! If you don't open up your plant face and get this picture taken I swear I'll tell start telling our friends you eat people!" Zetsu reluctantly opened up his 'trap' and let Pierre quickly get the photograph out of the way.

"Now, let's have the shark-looking fellow!" Pierre insisted. "Geez, so how does that blue skin work out?" Pierre wanted to know. Trying to adjust the light to compliment Kisame blue skin.

"Well, I'm often confused for marine life." Kisame told him. Pierre situated him and got the photo over with. Hidan and Kakuzu had been in the background fighting the entire time all this was going on, it didn't matter what they fought about, they just fought most of the time. Marco quickly shut them up by presenting them with an appetizer platter. Appetizer platters were always around big photo shoots.

Marco and Pierre finished up the Akatsuki calendar and they had to admit that even though they seemed to be a pretty dysfunctional group, the calendar looked good. It was affectionately dedicated to their leader. Now the fun was about to begin.

"Great! Other Akatsuki's you are welcome to watch the shoot, we love you and we have appetizer platters but now all the attention is on dark angel and baby blue." Pierre said clapping wildly.

"As if the attention is ever anywhere else?" Sasori said rolling his eyes…again. He had done that a lot. Pierre and Marco went to work once more. Pierre had his hands in Deidara's hair.

"Hmm…god this is beautiful. Okay, I know the pony tail on top the head is your thing…but I want it taken down, I want cascading hair all over you." Deidara gasped. He couldn't imagine letting the ponytail…down.

"Um…are you sure…yeah?" He looked worried.

"Baby blue, don't worry. I assure you my stylist Fiona will make you look even more fabulous than you do with the ponytail." For whatever reason, Deidara trusted him. "Fiona! Get in here!" Pierre yelled in his shrill photographer voice. A tall model-like woman quickly came to Pierre's side. "Fiona! I want the hair cascading, lose the ponytail and don't let me see him until he's wearing that white Dior that came last week." Deidara's blue eyes sparkled.

"I get to wear Dior, yeah?" he asked ready to cry.

"Come love, I turn you into saucy playboy." Fiona had a thick Eastern European accent and so she was a little hard to understand.

"Is that going to hurt, yeah?" Deidara asked. Now it was Itachi's turn.

"Oh the things I have in store for you!" Pierre said to Itachi as Fiona swept Deidara away. "Giselle!" Pierre called for his other Eastern European model-like assistant. "Giselle, give him a light layer of that Paul Mitchell Spritzer Shine, not too much, I don't want him weighed down, but I want radiant onyx. Also, give him that necklace, you know the one I mean, the black one with the tiny silver bars on it and make certain he's wearing those to die for Prada pants and the equally sinful tunic shirt, the one that's cut low as hell!" Pierre demanded.

"Oh, you and I…we will have much fun, yes." Giselle said to Itachi. And so the fun had officially begun.

"You have beautiful jaw line and very nice skin. I put lightweight moisturizer on you; it will help under the lights." Fiona told Deidara.

"Wow! This stuff is nice, yeah." Fiona laughed.

"Of course it is love, it's Chanel, I give to you after the shoot today. Your name…Deidara…it roll off the tongue…it make me want to lick you." Fiona said.

"Um…you probably shouldn't lick me right now, yeah. You're wearing lipstick." Deidara said.

"Oh, love, you excite me, yes you do." Fiona laughed. It was time to work on his hair. In the studio across from Deidara (which was basically the other side of the mirror Deidar was in front of).

"You have nice hair. You like spritzer, yes?" Giselle asked.

"I've never used any; I always thought my hair was shiny enough." Itachi told her.

"Oh, it is. But the spritzer make it extra manageable and sheen last all day and into the night. And the scent…baby…the girl she will fuck you crazy. I give to you today." Itachi thought her comment was genius.

"So, I can have great hair when I go to bed and have an intoxicating scent without buying new fragrances with Deidara every 3 months?"

"That is what I tell you, yes." It was like all of Itachi's dreams were coming true in the same day…well..all of them, except the whole demise of Sasuke, take Orochimaru's Tivo without him knowing thing…


	5. Chapter 5 Itachi's Camera Brilliance

"Pierre! Pierre! I am done, yes. Pierre, your eyes they will cry tears. He very sexy." Giselle revealed a very Prada clad Itachi to Pierre. Pierre indeed began to tear up.

"Oh my god…I don't even know where to begin! I love the cut of the shirt, it flatters ever damn curve of him, and I love the fit of the pants…dark angel…DO YOU LOVE IT!" Pierre's voice could cut glass. Itachi began to fan himself; he was fighting back his own tears. 

"I…I am….just so gorgeous." Itachi said. And that was nothing short of the truth.

"Pierre! Cascading blonde I have!" Fiona presented Deidara to Pierre. It was rare Deidara went without the pony tail but he had to admit he liked it and it was indeed lots of cascading blonde. Pierre did allow him to keep his left eye covered though…he though that was mysterious. Pierre was bawling now. He had the two prettiest things he had seen all day. His assistant Marco slapped him up the head and they proceeded with the cover shots. The cover shot was actually simple, it was Itachi and Deidara back to back, but it was from the neck up, the inner pages would melt you into if the cover didn't… It didn't take Pierre long to snap the cover shots. The caption that would be placed on the cover would read: "Because Evil Can Be Fun". Now came the most exciting part of the entire day.  
"Okay boys, the cover is done and I want you to see how fabulous it is! Now, it's time for the interview and the inside photos!" Pierre clapped wildly again. "Marco! I want the ocean backdrop, I want the pier prop. I want the sailboat. Get me the wind machine and soften the lights…boys…we're going to Cape Cod." Pierre proudly announced as he quickly watched his photo set turn in to a New England ocean side paradise. "Dark angel you're first…oh…I just love how the tunic top fits you…God! It hugs all the right places…and the dip is dangerously low." Marco started to tear up as he watched Pierre size Itachi up. "Marco! Giselle! Put him on the pier!" Pierre proclaimed.

"See, this is why I hate traveling around with Itachi. The ocean is my turf yet he somehow manages to steal it from me!" Kisame was pissed.

"Relax, Kisame. We know you rock the ocean." Zetsu tried to reassure him. At this point Itachi was sitting on the prop pier leaning back against the post. He was barefoot in the black Prada summer pants. Marco immediately rolled the cuffs up slightly as he was instructed to do. Giselle rolled his sleeves up slightly as well.

"Okay, now bend your right knee, leave the left leg straight, and let me see you rest your right arm on your right knee….good! Now, wind! I said wind Marco!" and Marco allowed the artificial breeze to blow through Itachi…it was beautiful. "Oh! Now, tilt your head back just a little bit…Oooooh perfect! Now, with those black eyes….fuck this camera!" Pierre was getting really worked up. Itachi didn't have a problem in doing that…with those black eyes, he made the camera feel very naughty. "Yes! Yes! That's it angel!" Pierre finished that series and changed Itachi's position on the pier. "Alright, now stand up, hold on to the wooden pier pole and let your weight fall in the opposite direction. Okay, nice but raise your arm up farther on the pole so you pull that shirt up with it." Pierre and Marco screamed. "Yes! Oh god yes! That's it! Don't move angel and make the camera your slave!" It was a steamy shot, must have been the wind machine and undeniable sheen on Itachi's hair.

"You know, I don't want to sit here while they play dress up all afternoon. You guys want to go get a burger or something?" Sasori said. Sasori's jealous side hadn't shown until today.

"Seriously, that's a good idea; this photographer is really starting to freak me out." Hidan said. Everyone else agreed and they were out of the studio and on their way to find something to eat. They found a T.G.I. Friday's (it was an Akatsuki favorite) and were soon seated. While they were waiting on their waiter, Sasori's phone rang. It was none other than…

"Kabuto? What the hell are you doing calling my phone today? Yes, yes Itachi and Deidara made the cover. Well no wonder you and Orochimaru didn't make the cover, you wear huge ass glasses and Orochimaru is pale, snaky, and wears a purple braided belt that ties in a giant ass bow! Who the hell wants to look at that? No! I'm not jealous…okay maybe a little. Itachi and Deidara have really nice bodies. Look, I'm in T.G.I. Friday's and I don't want to deal with you! You are not going to ruin my lunch!" Sasori hung up on Kabuto.

"You know maybe we should all get a drink, is it too early to drink?" Kisame asked.

"No, we're good besides we need to tell Tobi all about Orochimaru and Kabuto and how we drink every Friday." Zetsu said. So it was settled, a round of Long Island Iced Teas and a heartwarming conversation among the not as beautiful Akatsuki members… 


	6. Chapter 6 Deidara's Moment

"Alright, baby blue. I want you on the sail boat. Grab hold of the mast there." Pierre said, he was referring to the ropes on the prop sailboat. "Fiona! Unbutton him!" Pierre was referring to Deidara's shirt. Fiona unbuttoned him. "Oh! God! Look at that body! Hmmm…I want to leave something to the imagination, button him up." Fiona buttoned Diedara back. "Hmmm…no, no unbutton him. Oh! No, button him back." Fiona could do this all day for all she cared. "I've got it! Pierre said! Button that button in the middle, roll his sleeves up just a little, not as much as dark angel." Fiona did as she was told, then she was instructed to pull part of Deidara's hair over his shoulder and smooth it out.

"Perfect! Okay, now wind! NOT THAT MUCH MARCO! There…" Pierre was pleased. "Now, baby hold on to the mast with your left hand, relax your right hand, now tilt your head in towards the ropes. Ooooooh that's it…wait. Fiona! I can't see the band of his boxers, pull them above is pants line…THAT'S TOO MUCH! Okay, there!" Pierre screamed. "Now, you make love to this camera like you're in heat." Pierre got ready to shoot but Deidara broke his pose, his brain had just been overloaded.

"You want me to what, yeah? Is that even possible? I mean I've head of these places in the Netherlands where freaky sex stuff happens and I'm really not into that at all, yeah. So, could I maybe NOT do anything like that to your camera, yeah?"

"That's the fourth blonde this week that's taken that comment literally." Marco whispered to Pierre.

"This is why I don't photograph many blondes, but this is one you'd run away to Cancun with. Okay, okay baby blue, just…just sulk at me. Don't show me that smile yet just look at me and pout." Pierre got the shot he was looking for. It was then that Pierre decided he was ready to shoot both Itachi and Deidara in the prop ocean…it was an interesting concept. "Okay, don't be too alarmed…but…MARCO!" At that very moment both Itachi and Deidara were sprayed down in a quick shower of water. The screams were way high pitched. "Don't worry…that was supposed to happen, oh god look at you know! You're not totally dry…you're not totally wet…but you're totally irresistible. Okay, now get in the sand." This shot was truly beautiful. Marco arranged Itachi and Deidara just as he wanted them, it was supposed to be them walking down the beach and looking over the ocean…thank god for a wind machine…thank god the rest of Akatsuki didn't see this shot, Sasori may have exploded. Speaking of which…

"See, I told you getting a burger would be a great idea." Sasori said.

"You know, I can't wait till this thing is over. You think they are about finished?" Kisame asked.

"Seriously, I've had fun today. I mean this is really going to give Akatsuki some publicity and you have to admit we're lucky to have those two." Ah yes, Hidan the diplomat.

"Hey, I don't mean to interrupt you guys, but my friend is waiting on that set of tables over there and she keeps checking you out, she wants to know if she can have your phone number." The waiter said to Sasori. Sasori looked around in confusion. He figured this was the Long Island Iced Tea talking.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked the waiter.

"Yeah, she wants your number is that alright?

"That will be quite alright…" Sasori quickly wrote his number on a napkin and they got a round of Long Island Iced Teas on the house.

Meanwhile back at the photo studio. Pierre took the final picture of Deidara, in the sand flashing him the million dollar smile that sold him to this magazine in the first place.

"Okay, dark angel, the last question in our interview (Pierre had been asking questions while photographing) Why did you join Akatsuki?"

"I want to see the ultimate demise of my wretched little brother as well as exert my position of authority over people in general."

"Marco! Write that down! Now, baby blue, how about you?"

"Uuuummm…well, I joined because I like art, yeah. But I also joined because I've always wanted to live in an apartment, yeah. Oh and there's one more thing, yeah. I also joined Akatsuki because my sister thought it would be great for my social life…and it was, yeah. Because now I have these friends and Akatsuki members get a 10 discount at Pottery Barn, yeah!" And with that the calendar shoot/cover shoot had come to a close.

A slightly drunk Sasori, Kisame, Zetsu, Tobi, Hidan and Kakuzu stumbled through the studio door ready to pick Itachi and Deidara up.

"Oh there's one thing I didn't tell you guys…because we get a huge kickback from what the models in our magazine wears…you two get to keep those clothes." Deidara and Itachi were in heaven. Now, the anticipation of the magazine to hit the newsstands would practically kill them.

Okay, this is one of the shorter Akatsuki stories. School starts next week fro me and so I don't know how quickly I'm going to be able to update on a daily basis, but I'll try my hardest, promise! Anyway, even if you aren't a sports fan you will enjoy the next story: Akatsuki NFL Friday Night Football Party. Trust me, it won't center around sports non-stop like it sounds. I'm doing this in the spirit that September is on the way and that means football season is upon us. Now, here's what I need from you, the readers. I need 2 NFL teams (I'll credit whomever gives me 2 teams). The first responses I receive will be the teams I use. Look forward to the first chapter. I'll try to post it by tomorrow!


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